Bob The Darking And Other Stories
by Black Mage Leah
Summary: Multiple humor oneshots, read one, read all, I don't care, just review.
1. Bob the Darking

Bob the Darking By Lady Leah of Chaos   
Once upon a time there was a darking named Bob. Bob was a hermaphrodite. Bob liked to put leaves on its head. It was horny. One day Bob was sitting in a pond when a girl went skinny-dipping in it. Ozorne the stupid ugly stormwing stretched out its face and showed himself in it. The girl screamed because Ozorne the stupid ugly stormwing was looking at her naked. Then Bob divided in two and its half went to Temptation lake in hope that it would see another skinny-dipper.   
Some random time later, the girl who went skinny-dipping in the pond arrived at the lake and saw a naked blue thing dragging some random dude into the lake. The girls aved him. She was fully clothed. Bob was sad.   
Later, the girl, "Daine", picked Bob up and said hi. Then a bunch of stuff happened on a bridge and Bob sat in a circle. Then it went inside Daine's pocket. There was a hole on the inside. Bob was very happy.   
Later still, everybody went riding in nets under stormwings. Bob said, "Funfunfunfunfun." Daine giggled. Bob was confused, as this was Elvish for, "Oh shit, Oh shit. I'm gonna be sick!" Bob blew its chunks in daine's pocket. Then it felt better. After looking at the hole, of course.   
Later Bob went to Dragonslands and rode on Dragons. Daine asked if it was still funfun, Bob said it was Morefun, meaning "Are you still sick?" and Yes, very."   
Then, later still, Bob exploded and died. Everybody was sad, but Bob didn't mind because Bob thought the Black God was hot and a sexy beast! THE END!!!! 


	2. Kitten's Day Out

Bob the Darking and Other Stories

Disclaimer – Last time I checked, this was Tammy's and not mine.

A/n – And the moment you've all been waiting for... Another chapter!!! w00t!

Chapter Two – Kitten's Day Out

One very fine day in the middle of December, Kitten decided to ditch Daine and go for a walk through Corus. It was a lovely and warm day, well warm in a relative sense, that is. Say, as apposed to the Roof of the World or something, yeah, compared to that it was a boiling hot day in Corus. Well, in reality, it was frikin' freezing. Well, anyway, enough about the weather. Kitten wrapped herself up in the warmest scarf she could find after rooting through Numair's workroom. This wasn't terribly warm, but on to the story. Kitten snuggled into the scarf, and walked into the Dancing Dove. George greeted her there. Don't ask why George was there, I'm the author, I can do any frikin' thing I want! Anyways, George came up to Kitten and said, "Aren't you cold? That scarf is very thin; I bet Numair used it in an experiment." With that, Kitten screeched and threw the scarf into the fire. George grinned insanely. "Here, hold this. It will make you feel warm!" He handed Kitten a small thing.

Kitten looked at it in disgust. _It's an ear!_

"Yup," George said, "I cut it off some guy's head earlier!" He let out a high pitched giggle. "And I've felt warm and fuzzy ever since!"

_Then this must be a magic ear!_ Kitten mind-said excitedly. George shrieked.

"MY MAGIC EAR!" he yelled so loudly that they could probably hear him in the Roof of the World if they weren't busy complaining about my awkward comparison. But they were, so never mind that. Anyway, George grabbed the Magic Ear from Kitten and began to laugh insanely. A moment later, a doctor from the Corus Institute for Mentally Fucked Up People (or the CIFMFUP for short) came and grabbed George. George threw the Magic Ear to Kitten, who caught it. "Keep it secret! Keep it safe!"

Then, for no apparent reason, as Reason, you see, went on a 3 month vacation, Gandalf appeared. "That's my line, you son of a bitch!" he yelled and slapped George, then sat down and began to cry. Consequently, he, too, was dragged off by the CIFMFUP worker.

_Ooookaaaaaay..._ Kitten thought, hugging the Magic Ear close to her.

Then, all of a sudden, Daine burst in. "Kitten, where have you been?"

_Get off me, you fucking fruit!_ Kitten mind-yelled.

Daine gasped. "Kitten, when did you learn to mind speak?" Then another thing hit her (other than some rogues having a food fight nearby). "And where did you learn such awful language?"

_The Magic Ear taught it to me!_

"Ah," Daine said, confused, "Can I see this Magic Ear?"

_Fuck no!_ Kitten screeched, _It's mine... My own... My precious!_

"LET ME SEE IT!" Daine yelled.

_NO!_

"YES!"

_NO!_

"Hey, that's a Magic Ear! I want it!" some random drunk yelled. This began a random battle in which everyone in the Dove except Kitten was killed.

_Stupid mortals,_ she thought.

Just then, Numair burst in. "Has anyone seen my scarf?"


End file.
